did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
grandma shit on top of the toilet
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
