I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
