wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
