I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
