Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
