I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
