I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
