So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
