i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize