Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
