Ambien. No doubt about it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
