well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I deserve this hangover.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize