I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
