the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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