At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
