So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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