i think my mom watched the whole time
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
