I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
