Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize