gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
is wine microwaveable?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So many bounce houses so little time
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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