Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
