Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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