Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
