what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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