If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
