someone get that fucking seahorse.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
