I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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