After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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