You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
