Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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