yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
