So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize