But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
