I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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