broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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