Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
