sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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