I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
3pm strippers are depressing
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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