I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
being pregnant is like rehab
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
