We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
