Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
