y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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