please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
3 2 1 whiskey
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
