i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
