Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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