I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
