I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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