you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
