she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
