i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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