well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
