you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
