so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
