Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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