The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
