For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
