i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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