Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
