I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
