They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
