I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
