Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Mom said you looked used
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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